Who are these people?
Sean is the lady on the left. Greg is standing next to her. Jadyne has known her brother Greg since he was born sixty-two years ago; I’ve known him for fifty years. We didn’t know Sean before she began dating Greg, sometime after Teeny died. In the last four sentences, I’ve referenced three of the most loving, remarkable people I’ve ever had the pleasure to know.
But Sean is still a little pissed at Greg. Why? Greg was a bit too shy to ask Sean to marry him, that is, until we were in Costa Rica on vacation and we all had a little too much to drink, and I think it was New Year’s Eve, and Greg called her and asked her over the phone. She accepted of course, but she didn’t hide that she would have preferred that he ask her in person. It is perhaps the only time in the last twenty-six years that she’s ever expressed any disappointment or criticism of a person that she loves as completely as a woman has ever loved a man. Greg and Sean were married in 1994 in Glenwood Springs, and the entire Buchholz family was there to celebrate their wedding.
Since then we have seen them both summers and winters, in Colorado and in California, and have shared so much together—from the weddings of our three children, the births of our six grandchildren, and the wedding of Sean’s daughter Shelby. We last saw them in the summer of 2019 in Colorado. And all was well.
Sean and Greg at Greg’s sixtieth birthday party two years ago. And all was well.
And all has been well for the last twenty-six years. One exception. Twenty-two years ago Greg was struck by a mysterious illness that required hospitalization and a couple of months of recovery. Doctors in Denver were able to treat him, and within six weeks back at work. And play. And all was well.
Playing with trains, tractors, and dogs are playtime for Greg.
Both Sean and Greg love dogs, and although the image above doesn’t reflect the current menagerie it accurately reflects the affection and attention that they both pay to their canine companions.
And Greg loves tractors, too.
But it isn’t tractors themselves that Greg loves. It’s that he can use them in the winter to do what he does and loves best—help other people.
But all is not well today. Two and a half weeks ago Greg went to work, came home, and felt sick. The details are available through Sean’s texts on Caringbridge, but Greg is now in Denver, very sick and unable to do the simplest of tasks. Here’s Sean on December 22nd:
“Right now Greg is sedated and intubated. He is stable under these circumstances and has not spiked a fever since arriving in Denver. We are in Medical Intensive Care right now at University. I apologize deeply to those of you who have reached out through all other means to try to make contact without getting a response from me. It has been a runaway train since Thursday night when he came home from work feeling “achy”. Everything has happened so fast. Leaving our “home “ at Valley View was wrenching. Watching Greg leave under the competent and caring protection of the Helicopter crew was wrenching. Leaving our home in No Name a few hours later was wrenching. But I am here now and he is in good hands and we still don’t really know what happened or what damage may have been done by the swelling in his brain, the high fevers and the seizures. I will sleep here in his room tonight and will try to figure out how to be able to make entries.”
I want to turn the rest of this post to Sean. I began by saying that she loves Greg “as completely as a woman loves a man.” Again, here’s Sean:
“A huge heartfelt thank you to every person who is following this whether or not you post any sort of comment. Just being able to journal the journey is helpful for me and that’s about as big as my world is right now. Greg. And me. i know you are alongside and it is the rock upon which I stand. God bless you all.”
“His sister has been delayed in SFO. He’ll be off the vent by the time she arrives. And maybe he’ll say “hello Jay”. Wouldn’t THAT be WONDERFUL!!!! I know I do not need to say this, but if there’s anyone who’s following this who does not believe in the power of love, please have your head examined.”
Brother and sister
Sean again: “We have made a little nest for ourselves here in room 729 at Anschutz and although it is not ‘home’ it is what we have right now. All of you are with us, I know that. I tell Greg, I show him cards and read things to him and I know it matters and makes a difference. I do not feel alone or lonely or isolated; but I long for our home and our community. And until that day comes, that day that he once again crosses the threshold of our No Name home, we will make each day as meaningful and comfortable and empowering for this dear man as we can. I promised in the consult this morning to take better care of myself. I acknowledged the difficulty of having the tables so abruptly turned on our sweet life, like being sucked into an eddy, spinning spinning spinning and then being just as abruptly spit out miles downstream, facing the wrong way and upside down. Just the fact that I was sitting in a Palliative Consult, not as the chaplain on the team, but as the wife of the patient, was enough to take my breath.
Today the waters are calm. He sleeps because in sleeping will be some healing. In sleep, will be some peace.
He sleeps, and I write. Because all the same things are true for me in writing that are true right now for him in sleep. Healing and peace.
I don’t even know were to begin with expressing the grateful heart that beats within me for the incredible outpouring of love. The food, the cards, the little notes and texts and voice mails.
I invite anyone who wishes, to take a brief selfie video, saying hello to our sleeping friend. 10 seconds? 15 seconds? We believe it is good for him to see the faces that are familiar to his life before Anschutz but without the exhaustion that can come from a revolving door of visitors in the flesh. I do not mean to deny him that connection or deny any of you access to him and it is my sole purpose right now to protect him as well as I can and to advocate for him with what feels like are the right decisions. Tomorrow we will try a new drug to stimulate his brain a bit and within two days we will know if it is working. And we will ask of him the unimaginable by asking him to make his body and his mind reconnect.
Keep the home fires burning and the candles lit.”
Sean again after a visit from her friend Jo. “I know I will continue to have snippets of time with faces I love and in between those moments I continue to feel inexpressible gratefulness for my life, for Greg’s life and for the life we have had, and continue to have, together.”
Sean on New Year’s Eve.
“On the eve of a new decade may this night find all of you reflecting on your own beautiful lives...taking what you can from what comes that helps you or helps others and feeling excitement and strength about what the new year could bring...
it’s all a mystery right now..
We had a very tender moment today when I was feeling quite overwhelmed with things I don’t understand and he lifted his hand for me to take and I asked if we could practice our hug therapy. He managed to get both his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest and he just held me quietly while I cried. It was incredibly grounding and comforting for me and I think it made him feel useful. Anyone who knows me, knows I LOVE HUG THERAPY. I just didn’t know it was a real thing. But it is. (His PT said so.)
Our hearts continue to overflow with all the love that comes our way every day.
Blessings to all
sean
Sean, Greg, Jadyne, and Teeny (Greg and Jadyne’s late sister) are four of the strongest, most loving, most giving and most remarkable people I have had the pleasure not only to know but to be a part of my life. For Sean to express that her heart (and Greg’s) “continue to overflow with all the love that comes their way every day” is not just a reflection of the way she feels but a guide to all of us to live our lives as she and Greg do. To repeat Sean’s earlier post, “who does not believe in the power of love, please have your head examined.”
February 5, 2020. Greg has been in a rehab hospital in Carbondale since January 22nd. The catheter is out. He can feed himself. He can climb out of bed, take a few steps, take a shower, walk a few steps, He is aware that so many care and is grateful for their love and support. Sean has gone back to work. Steps are being taken to remodel the bathroom in their house to accommodate his eventual return in two or three weeks. We couldn’t have asked for more.